A pregnant woman's dilemma over her expectations with herself!

It has been a long gap since I posted my last article. And its this very gap that has actually inspired me to write this particular post. Because I am sure a lot of women, like me, have faced this dilemma and pressure in their head during their pregnancy. We all want to believe and are in the constant act to prove that we are just pregnant and that pregnancy in no way takes away my talent from me. And we are a hundred percent right in saying so. But often we go overboard in proving this to the world and ourselves even - in our bid to do all those things that we used to do before and continue multitasking. And rather than making us feel good about ourselves, it pushes us in a pit of self-despair. And for some cases, goes even a step further to lead to depression. 

Here is a classic example through my personal account of how I just dodged this feeling in the recent past:

Once declared pregnant, the first thing I decided to do was to discontinue my regular office job. And in the bargain of that so called sacrifice, I had decided to do a lot of other things to keep my sanity intact. I wanted to single handedly maintain my daily blog, revive my old handicrafts company, manage a NGO's social media plan, finish my film script, edit my manuscript and then make dreamcatchers - and needless to say that do it all to the best of my capabilities. 

But little did I know that it was not only my mind but my body that had to give me support? And that during my pregnancy; my body was going to act a little moody and difficult. 

I would sleep in the night making elaborate 'to do' lists for the next day and then wake up to feel so tired and groggy that I wouldn't even make the breakfast according to menu - instead just go for an easier quick fix option. So the very first thing in the list would get disturbed and modified - and that the disturbance would continue to cripple the entire list till its end. And almost everyday everything would get pushed indefinitely. And that in turn led to unsolicited stress - the one that would arise with the pressure of 'under-performance' because you have always been so used to setting these targets for yourself and completing them successful. And now suddenly you feel disempowered and overall disappointed with yourself. You are anyways moody because of your hormonal fluctuations and now you feel your mood swings go further complicated because of this self-induced unrealistic expectations that you have set for yourself. 

And then it struck to me: Relax! You need to be easy with yourself.

First two three days, I had felt really frustrated about not being able to write a post. My mind would constantly linger around what to write. And nothing would strike. Then I would decide to make a dreamcatcher but my spine would give up on me and I would just lie down thinking I should sleep for a couple of hours to reboot my energy. But then sleep would evade me because constant thoughts about the pending things to do would bother me. Finally I had to take charge. One day I decided I was going to give up on making these 'to do' lists and rather just go with the flow. A week passed by and I didn't tell myself what to do. I just did what I felt like doing. And in a couple of days I realised that I was doing much better. If not all, at least I was back to doing a few productive things in a day.  And that too stress free! Though I was unable to tap all my work loads; at least half of them I was successfully ticking. And then it struck to me what the problem was - The problem was that I was overloading my self with expectations and performance pressure. If I got a little easy with myself and made lighter 'to do' lists; I'd still be able to execute them. I start doing that and things started rolling in my favour again. All my things were getting done - the pace was different but the success rate was retained. The frustration had gone because the pressure had gone. All in all, I was back to being the multi-talented, multi-tasking pregnant woman that I always wanted to be. And the sure shot way I could achieve that was by being reasonable with myself. 

One needs to accept that pregnancy is not the time to prove how much work you can do or how efficient you are. You are already doing a miracle in a way - there is a human forming inside of you. And in all your 'to do' lists - maintaining that proficiency should be on the top of the list - so what if that demands you to sleep a two hours extra or laze around for awhile. In your bid to finish you rmundane tasks, you can't stress the baby inside - because his or her right development is not a task - it is your most important responsibility. And nothing should effect that adversely. All your personal goals and life expectations should ideally work around this one thing and not over it. You are creating the next generation - credit yourself duly for it - don't let any pressure in your head ever tell you that it is taking away from you, your talent or your overall personality. Honestly, it is adding to you in ways you will never be able to do otherwise - it is that layer which is the most divine, evolved and accomplished in a way. 

So once again.. Let me reiterate - Relax! You need to be easy with yourself! And you need to value this period that you are going through!! Celebrate your womanhood and celebrate your pregnancy. 

Event Alert: The Mommy Network Pop Up

The Mommy Network, as the name very well suggests, is a group created to connect, share and access information and resources within Mommies of Mumbai.

They are hosting this Pop Up in the month of September, where on display will be some very unique products for you and your little ones.



Event: The Mommy Network POP UP
Dates: 7th - 8th September 2016
Timing: 11 am to 7 pm
Venue: AntiSocial, Rohan Plaza, 5th Road, Khar West, Mumbai. 


The promise is to put a show of organic, natural products and high design elements across apparel, accessories, toys and food...

To get more information: check their regular updates on the Facebook Event Page.

Once closer to the events.. Will put up more pictures.. Till then.. Save the Date!!

11 things you do not want to repent about after your Bumpy Miracle is delivered!!

As they very often say - "In life and on some trip; few things always remain undone. And you shouldn't bother much about them." This line sounds very philosophical when talking about life or some trip you made as a tourist and missed out on one or two prime spots of that place. But when it is pregnancy and baby birth that you are talking about - the same philosophy becomes an impractical carelessness. And repenting becomes the most unavoidable thing to do. So save yourself from that horror while you are still pregnant. Make a note of the important things that need to be done well in advance and equip yourself to welcome the baby, rather than wait for it to surprise you in ways you may not like at that point. 

1. Didn’t click some nice pictures

It is as bad a feeling as when you see other’s wedding albums looking better than yours and you wondering why didn’t we do this in our pre-wedding photography! This is specially if you are the kind who likes these kinda stuff. But even if you are the content kind, you will probably wonder you may not be pregnant again and you should have clicked at least one cute picture with your husband while the baby was still a cute looking bump. 

2. Didn’t read up enough

It is very important that you know well in advance what the baby is going to expect of you. And what you should expect of the baby. When to panic and when not to. Suddenly one day, you don’t want to feel unprepared. Rather read up in advance and consult your doctor at the right time. 

3. Didn’t catch up on enough sleep

Not that this is really going to matter - it is not a battery that you can charge in advance. It is your sleep after all. But having said that, at least you will not regret having stressed about sleep at both times - through the pregnancy and after that both. When I say catch up on sleep, I also mean do not over-work yourself - be relaxed and rested when welcoming the baby to the world. 

4. Didn’t have a list of names ready

If you believe in horoscopes and are going to name your child according to the moon-sign or sun-sign he or she is born in - then keep a name for a girl or a boy shortlisted from every letter possible. You can mark your favourite and pray that the baby comes out at the right time to attract that name. If you are not the kind who believes in such things - then life is simpler for you. Shortlist your favourite names for a boy and a girl well in advance so that once the baby is out no need to stress and look for names in a frenzy. You have enough time to do as much research as you want. 

5. Didn’t stock up enough

This is a wide range of things that I am talking about - from sanitary pads to diapers to groceries in the house to hand towels to clothesline clips to anything and everything. Make your list in detail while you still have the time and plan how and when you want to buy them. With mobile Apps like Grofers and BigBasket, you do not have to stress so much - but still who wants the last minute pressure when there is lot more to deal with - like the stitches down there to the bleeding to the breast feeding and best of all - the fragile, little newborn in your arms!!

6. Didn’t work out - I would have been fitter today

Few realisations are rather too painful. Like this one! Do keep your body active through the pregnancy - do not let the lethargy sink in and put you in a slumber in the name of pregnancy. Later, when pulled out of this comfort zone with the arrival of the baby - everything is going to seem ten times more strenuous and difficult - rather keep your body active and fit through the nine months to welcome any kind of a chaos thereafter with a smile on your face. 

7. Didn’t pamper myself enough

Soon you won’t exist anymore and life will only revolve around the little one. No time for eyebrows or waxing!!! And manicure and pedicure will seem like words from a different lifetime. So pamper yourself with as many hair spas and visits to the salon as you want to now; later it is all going to happen in a hurry! The anticipation that the baby will cry anytime - will never let you fully enjoy any of those services..

8. Didn’t look for a nanny/cook/maid in advance

Working woman? Going to leave the baby at home while going to work? And still don’t have a nanny in place to help your mother or mother-in-law and your getting back to work date is like a week away? You are in a bad mess. A friend of mine has been looking for a half decent nanny since the last six months. And still hasn’t succeeded. Not that you will be able to judge anything about her without the baby in front of her. But the sooner you start, the sooner will you reach your destination! Spread the word and keep. At least a cook can be got on board in advance if not the nanny. Your mother or mother-in-law or whoever is going to be with the baby is going to be anyways skilled in taking care of the baby - get them the other aid in place instead!

9. Didn’t pack my hospital bag in time

I have warned you again and again on this one… Never overlook it. At the hospital, your life would have turned around and the hospital bag will be your only comfort zone. Do not ever take this lightly. Be ready in time. That bag could be lying there ready for months - doesn’t matter. But it won’t being there will make you so helpless you cannot even imagine!

10. Didn’t listen to my mom

You may think she is old school and half your philosophies don’t match hers now. But still, do listen to her. There will be lots that she will tell you that would come to your rescue when in doubt. Remember, after all she brought you up and you are so proud of yourself - so she couldn’t have been that wrong after all!!

Now this one is not for everyone: But trust me it is the most important one!!! 

11. Didn't give up on Alcohol or Smoking or any other Substance Abuse

I even dread writing about what you will see that will make you repent about this one. It is your baby and the harm that you would have already caused to him or her, without it being their fault at all! Give up on all those things for a few months of your life - trust me, you will not repent having done that much of a sacrifice for your little one!! If you want to refresh your memory - here is the post that will tell you of the hazards of smoking during pregnancy. 

Suddenly unemployed and feeling worthless!! It's time for a new 'Bucket List'!!

Yesterday I was with my bestie discussing about a common friend of ours who is also rumoured to be pregnant. She very confidently said, "I don't think she will plan now... She has her great going career to attend to before anything else." To that her sister argued, "She is already thirty. The career won't run away. She will get a maternity leave to top that. I think she could be pregnant." The other one argued more confidently, "No I am very sure she won't get pregnant at this point. She is doing very well in her career." 

I sat there dumb founded. I had just finished a feature film in an esteem position in production, completed my script and had started pitching it to actors; when I found out I was pregnant. My career was also going uphill. And I still had a lot of time before my biological clock started ticking. Then did I get pregnant at the wrong time? Will this mean an end of an era in my professional life? Will I never be able to get back to work with that ferocity? 

All such questions always corner an ambitious women to analyse the decisions she has taken in her life that are not "conventionally" success oriented. We, the latest generation, driven by money and urban life, are so strongly convinced that the definition of success lies in your professional pursuits and bank balance numbers. Most often we ignore and over look the joys that lie in the simplicity of living! We have forgotten what 'living' is for that matter. 

This led to me thinking: What are the options you have if you are a working woman and still want to have a child? How are you going to modify your life to make the best of both worlds?

=> If you work in any corporate organisation, where you have sufficient months of paid maternity leave and then adequate months of unpaid months' leave approval - then you are in the safest zone. You don't have to leave your job - All you need to do is just plan your months wisely. And more so, they give you sufficient months to make the necessary changes in your lifestyle (Calling your mother or in-laws, hiring a maid, accustoming the baby to a milk bottle and so on).

=> But if you are a freelancer with a project based working style - There may be times in the first and second trimester when you would pray that some projects should come in so that you can get done with them well in time before your delivery time. Because after that you will at least need 4-5 months to recuperate and get back to full time work. And at that time, you will have no scope of picking up offers, however lucrative they may be. And the irony of life is such that when you will hope to have work, you will be jobless; and when you will not have the option to pick up work, you will be flooded with offers. This is the tricky part. Sail through! I faced it! Many face it! You could be lucky but if not! Don't worry... This time will pass soon. Sooner than you will realise, the time would have resurfaced when you will be able to take up offers. And you will forget that there was a year in the middle when you had become really frustrated with yourself and work was really low and you were wondering whether you will ever get back to work. 

Now if you are a freelancer or not; but are jobless and the 'no money' 'no activity' phase is driving you crazy; you could take out all those 'bucket lists' you ever made and compile down a new one for the things you could do this season.

1. Watch all those films you have missed out on - Rent DVDs and book your afternoons or rather nights when sleep evades you!

2. Catch up on all those TV shows you hear your friends enthusiastically talk about when you would 

wonder how on Earth did they have so much time! 

3. Good Books are always plenty and a life time too short! 

4. Forgotten the last time you created a masterpiece with that stroke of brush? Time to get back to the art form you once enjoyed so much - Could be painting, sketching, crafts or some musical instrument!

5. Learn a new language - Has been on your list since you were a teen but never got to doing that. 

6. WRITE.. May be a blog or a Novel or who knows a film is waiting to be written by you... This is the time! 

7. Have been too busy with life to organise your kitchen or re-do your bedroom or get new curtains for the drawing room - this is the time... You won't have to rely on all that the interior designer has to tell you - go to the web and explore and decorate!!!

8. Chalk out plans for future - reorganise your funds and make some sensible investments(the ones you were pushing for later), plan future travels, ideate and find new things to enhance your career when you hit back to it.  

9. Go back to your roots - remember what you granny or mommy did? Knit something beautiful for the little one! 

10. Have been on a run since you started... You could take a pause and watch your breath - Learn meditation, yoga or start on a spiritual journey. May be it has been awaiting you since some time. 

I have been trying to do it all... And trust me, life flows... With renewed positivity. And you will be surprised that some of this could even fetch you some 'moolah' to bring on the bonus bumpy smile!