Since last week, me and my husband, have brought in some constructive changes in our daily routine! We wake up at 5 am and go for a walk. While he continues taking a jog, I sit there on the grass and do my prenatal Yoga. We have also changed our eating habits and made them as healthy as possible. Lot of good reading, soothing music and a good vibe in the home as a whole!!
But yesterday, something in my head got twisted - and I suffered from what I would like to call my first mood swing mania. We watched a film in the evening, got out of the theatre, making plans of cooking mix veg and roti for dinner. But as the car drove out of the parking lot, on to the road, something in me changed and triggered some very uneasy feelings. Suddenly my mood dropped and I started snapping at my husband for the way he was driving the car. Once and twice and thrice - he ignored; but the forth time, he asked me to relax. Not that he was too rude or something. But for me, he was! And that led to the turmoil of unnecessary negative emotions, that went on for almost three hours thereafter. It not only ruined our dinner plans, with none of us eating anything, it even disturbed our schedule and we couldn't go for a jog today. I cried or rather wailed and howled like someone had died for almost two hours. I don't know where all that negativity came from. I was quite happy with everything in my life. And suddenly for those two hours I felt like everything in my life was wrong - from my choice of husband, to our finances, to the break in my career, the pregnancy, everything in life was just simply a bad choice or bad timing. I was feeling miserable. My chest was hurting, my throat was hurting, my uterus was hurting - I guess the baby was panicking with me, which was leading to cramps, my breathing was strained and my head just spinning all over the place. Even now, in retrospect, as I report it down, I dread to be in that space again. One of the worst nights in all these years! For the first time in 27 years, I slept having skipped a meal and my daily dose of medicines and milk. Even in the moment, I knew I was doing wrong to the baby - why was I starving him or her? But I had become cold to all these feelings, extremely adamant and rude. I must have accused my husband of all the things he had never done and criticised him for all the support he was giving me during this pregnancy!! I would shout and insult; and then the next minute rush to hug him, expecting him to understand and hug me back. I would throw away the plate of dinner that he would bring for me and then accuse him that you never come to me when I am low! Finally he declared that we should sleep - we have had enough!! Feeling drained and miserable, I went to bed, dreading what will tomorrow be like!
But luckily in my sleep, he hugged me tight and made me believe that he still loved me and was always going to be there by me, however difficult I may get. That reassured me somehow and I could sleep! And then when we woke up, much later than our daily 5 AM timing; it all seemed to have got back to normal. It felt like any other day, as though nothing had really happened last night!! Luckily, even he understood and woke up with a smile, teasing me and pulling my leg like any normal day, having ignored all those mean things I told him yesterday.
This episode compelled me to search the net for 'mood swings in pregnancy'! Almost everyone, be it doctors or fellow bloggers or childbirth researches and specialists; ; they all blamed these two notorious hormones - Oestrogen and Progesterone!!!
Especially with Oestrogen, they say its actions are too complex for researchers to having completed mastered. Though it does have a very good and happy effect on the brain; it is still the reason for increase in irritability also. During pregnancy, when the oestrogen levels rise up to almost three times the highest the woman has ever had during menstruation - it does lead to extreme irritability and short temper.
With Progesterone, it is supposed to have a calming effect on the brain. But when, in pregnancy, its levels fluctuate and dip low, it causes rage and violent behaviour.
So all in all, I realised that mood swings was quite a common phenomenon and I was not the only one suffering! But I also realised that it is damn tricky to know when you have crossed the line. Because extreme mood swings could also be the signs of depression, gestational diabetes, hyperthyroidism and migraine. They also say that the depression and/or anxiety rate in women is pregnant women is as high as one in ten women. And needs immediate attention or can have serious side effects and repeat values in the longer run! And in such cases, immediate medial help is needed. So the minute you feel that your mood swings are over doing it; please do report to your doctor. He or she will never know otherwise!!
So be good to your bad mood - it is just a by-product... the feeling will soon pass.....!!! And hug your husband and apologise for the ride he had to take along with you, without realising what the hell was happening.. !!!
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