Asset Evaluation and Financial Management!! Such heavy words I tell you!!

"Every next level of your life is going to demand a different version of you." Said some wiseman, some day! And it is making absolute sense to me today!

Just yesterday, when I was sitting in the cafe and referencing for my 'Godh Bharai' post;  this crazy thought crossed my mind - "What is my ‘Net Worth’? Shouldn’t I be doing  a thorough ‘Asset Evaluation’ for the same?" 

These may sound like really heavy words, and they indeed are. But my version of them is a little quirky and modified. When I say ‘Net Worth’ it is not just my finances, it’s everything that I have created for myself. And when I say assets, its not just property or gold, it is everything from my bags to shoes to cosmetics to books to diaries to anything and everything I possess. We women, have some serious quantities of valued possessions and no one other than us can really evaluate it’s worth. So, I came home and sat down and made a chart of the things I have, things I need to plan to buy and how am I going to manage my funds around it. 

CATEGORIES	ASSETS (What I have)	ASPIRATIONS (Have been planning to buy)	MONEY NEEDED	TIME FRAME (Setting a goal for aspirations)	EXCEPTIONS
BAGS	35+	HIDE SIGN BROWN	15K+	When I sign my first film as a Director
SHOES	30+ pairs	none			Can pick up randomly from the road if you like, but shouldn't cost more than 300.
COSMETICS	Bare minimum	none			Lip balm here and there
BOOKS	? (way too many)				Pick up whatever u have to from the second hand stores
DIARIES	25+	none
SUNGLASSES	6	RAYBAN Aviators	10K	Not before I sign my film or get a publisher for the book.	None - Have enough of the roadside ones as well - No need for any at this point
TOPS	Nevermind	none			Anything that’s needed at the final stage of my pregnancy to fit in my bump; but nothing too expensive or remotely branded.
PANTS	12+	none
GADGETS	Phone, laptop, DSLR	IPAD	40K+	Cant figure	Just in case my phone gives up on me - might have to buy one - nothing above 7K  to be spent there.
HOME DECOR	More than I can put up in the houses	none			No exceptions at all - have way too many things lying in my storage yet seeking it’s place in the house. Control yourself there!!
KITCHENWARE	All necessary items and more	Nice cutlery set		Wait for someone to gift it to u	Spoons - Buy a dozen anytime - u need it.
BED LINEN	Uff!!	none please!!			Baby things that I ll need. No brands please!! Dinanath is the place to buy from.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

But why this sudden urge of assessment and management?? 

It is all thanks to this ‘Bumpy Miracle’! This little one inside me. Ever since I have started realising what this pregnancy means - how it is not just a nine month thing but a life changing phenomenon - I have been doing a lot of thinking and planning around it. And that led to this enlightening realisation - how I have been so reckless with my financial planning. And now this liberty is going to cease to exist. One, that I have an additional responsibility of bringing up a child and taking care of his/her needs. Second, that for a year or two, I will have to modify my lifestyle and career to suit the needs of the baby. My earnings may multiply or may not exist at all - And I won’t be able to push myself out of the house just to fetch in some extra ‘moolah’ at the cost of ignoring my baby during the most crucial and formative years - when the mother, who is me, is needed the most. 

Most of the couples these days operate on joint finances - where both the partners have either equal or at least shared responsibilities. The times are such!! The price hikes, the lifestyle needs - everything has changed and this formula of both working partners - seems the only way out. But with pregnancy and the new born baby to take care of - at least for a few years, the mother has to take a back seat. Or at least one of them - just in case the mother can’t and the father can and you chose to follow that arrangement. You don’t want to leave the baby to the maids and forget that you have this extra responsibility on your shoulder. 

So what do you do?

You start planning your finances better? 

You become wiser over night! 

You cut down all your unnecessary expenses, splurging binges and do some sensible financial planning for the winters, you see! 

I have just started mine - Made a pledge to not shop unnecessarily. And this asset evaluation was done with keeping this plan in mind - so that I am convinced that I have enough of everything to last me a lifetime. So these coming months, I rather concentrate on saving or buying only that what is absolutely necessary. And instead put some money aside for the future vacations or unsolicited illness or child’s future and so on. 

Accept it or not - you can no longer be the ‘hippie’ you once were; some planning you will have to do - there is no escaping it!

To begin with - you could find your own unique and cool style to do it. Make your own fancy piggy banks and put money in it. What if making the piggy bank brings you excitement to save! You never know anything could work! 

'Godh Bharai': Celebration Time Again!!!! Yay!!!!

Once the pregnancy settles in, as in the first ‘fragile’ trimester is over - once you can safely start declaring to the world that you are pregnant - the first thing that invariably comes to all the Indian Mother-In-Laws and Moms-to-Be is how will they do the 'Godh Bharai' ceremony. We Indians, love our festivals and love our celebrations - and never miss any opportunity to carry out elaborate ceremonies, pujas and lavish feasts. Such is the tale of ‘Godh Bharai’! It is basically a ceremony in the honour of the new member of the family, who is still in the mother’s womb, but is going to join the family soon - and this is the family’s first opportunity to bless the child for a happy and secure entry into the world and the blissful life that follows. ‘Godh Bharai’ is the Hindi word - while in the different  parts of the country - thanks to our cultural diversity - it is called by various other names - From 'Shrimant' in Gujrati to 'Dohale Jevan' in Marathi to 'Valakapu' in Tamil to 'Shaad' in Bengali and so on. Though the intricacies of the ceremonies change according to regions and cultures; the overall essence is the same - To Bless the Mother and the child in her Womb. 

Here are some quick tips to make your ‘Godh Bharai’ interesting, personalised, not too heavy on you, fun, novel - though retaining all it’s traditional flavour and customs. 

*** WHAT TO WEAR

Most of the women opt for our ever-so-stylish and never-out-of-fashion 'Saree'. Some may go in for Lehengas or Salwar Kameez as well. I would say stick to what you are comfortable in (not pyjamas of course!!) You can chose whatever you wish to wear - just ensure that you are comfortable in it. Gone are those days - when you could wear a 10kg lehenga as a Bride - this time around things are going to be slightly difficult. All those fabrics that made you look gorgeous - could all itch and make you sweat extra and make you uncomfortable. Remember you got to wear what you are going to wear for at least a couple of hours. And it’s your day - you don’t want to be constantly cursing yourself inside for your choice of outfit. Opt for fabrics that look rich and flamboyant but are easy flowing and light on the body. Especially for the saree or lehenga - where the weight is going to be on the tummy - ensure you tie the knot at the right position - preferably slightly higher - it will help balance the weight of the fabric better - without giving you the suffocating feeling! 

Image source

*** MATCH WITH YOUR HUSBAND

One of those occasions when again you can get your way going while choosing your husband’s attire. Make him match your colour - that will be an extra touch. Long long ago - you had clicked fancy pictures together - in the best of your Indian wears - when you once got married. This one is again your day - the child inside belongs to the both of you. Though the ceremony usually revolves around the 'mother', good to make the ‘father’ at least a part of it in ‘colour’!!!

*** JEWELLERY!!!

Floral jewellery is a growing trend - remember Miss Basu adorning some beautiful pink flowers for her mehendi very very recently. If all those chunky jewellery is making you feel hot or irritating your skin (you never know pregnancy could do anything!) - Go in for those floral embellishments. Especially if you haven’t already tried it during any of your wedding functions - this could be a ‘new look’ for you!!

PC: Google

PC: Google

*** MEHENDI

If you have the patience and the enthusiasm still left in you to get proper, intricate mehendi done - here are a few designs that are specially meant for this occasion. 

If not - you could just do the tops and a circle in the centre - like the good old days - and add the floral hand charm. 

For some more fun - one could even try putting some henna to your tummy. 

*** DECORATION

Mostly people do this function at their place - do not hire fancy banquets. If you have a function outside the house - you could go any limit with the decoration. But if you are also, like all those others, doing a make shift thing at your place and decoration just means adding some touch of colour and glitz to the house -- Try Indian this time around - as most of the people have traditional customs and themes. All those fancy pink and blue baby shower decoration, you can keep for your round two - when the baby is out and you are doing the actual baby shower - his / her naming ceremony. 

*** CAKES

Whatever be the occasion - deserts and that too a cake is always welcome! Here are some fun ideas for the cake. You could have an traditional looking cake or the one with ‘the expecting you’ on it or with a baby bump or a collage of your and your husband’s pictures through the pregnancy welcoming the child. 

*** WANT TO ADD SOME FUN

You add some fun by giving all the family members a 'Sash' or a 'Crown', with their relation with the child. For Eg - 'Mom to be' 'Dad to be' 'Masi to be' 'Nani to be' Chacha to be' and so on. Once the puja and other rituals are through - you guys can add on these fun elements. 

*** RELAX - Even if you were the one planning the whole thing!!

It is not your wedding this time around. So control the ‘control freak’ organiser cum planner in you. Even if you were the one who planned the whole thing - on the ‘d day’ - leave it to others. Once, while you were a bride in control, you could still manage to look gorgeous and be in charge. This time you don’t need to stress yourself through it. The damage is done - the baraatis are your family now (wink!!) they will not judge you anymore - if that’s what you are worried about - what will the  guests think! It’s alright. Sit there in the middle and be happy. Let your baby hear the blessings without having disturbed by the noise in your head. 

Missing the heart and words to describe a 'Miscarriage'!!

My earliest and the strongest and the most disturbing memory of one of my favourite books ‘The Vine of Desire' by Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni is the opening chapter of the book which describes Anju’s miscarriage in the most melancholic yet piercing expression through her beautifully woven words. Through the entire book, Anju suffered due to that loss, tried really hard to recover, but was getting sucked deeper and deeper into the pit of a lot of mixed negative feelings - towards herself, her husband, her sister and her naive niece. As much as I had enjoyed reading the book then; I feel what the writer really wanted to convey or what the character Anju was feeling, better now! 

That I have almost come more than halfway into my pregnancy (touchwood); now the thought of a miscarriage just scares the shit out of me. Each time I am crossing the road, very weird thoughts cross my mind - ‘what if this biker loses balance and the bike comes and hits me?’ ‘what if there is a car at the other end of the turn, waiting to take a turn, comes and hits me?’ ‘What if I happen to fall on my belly?’ and all such thoughts that run a chill down my spine. I always wondered what’s such a big deal about a ‘miscarriage’; you could always get pregnant again? And it’s not like the child has lived outside the womb? So no need to feel so deeply - torture yourself for things that were beyond your control and can be taken care of the next time you are faced with a similar situation. But all this so called practical thinking now feels stupid to me. Now that I am pregnant - I know what it means to go through a miscarriage. I am already so attached to the baby, looking forward to welcoming him or her into our life, have planned those changes I will do to my lifestyle to suit the child and the ways I am going to bring him or her up. And if something is to happen to him or her now - I could die myself. Certainly a part of me will die - almost literally! Even while I type this down, my heart is beating faster - feeling the dreading sensation of pain, loss and hollowness. 

I had actually set out to write a rather encouraging post for the women who have been through something like this - so as to make them feel any better. But I realize that I am incapable of myself coming to terms with it - lest how will I make someone else feel better about it. I also figured, with some research online - that this is the fear almost 70% of the pregnant women live with. Initially, even if they have been skeptical with the idea of the pregnancy, later they develop such a deep bond with the little one inside (and so unconsciously) that they fear losing this new change - the new ‘you’ in you. 

But such things are beyond us at times:

All we can do is:

Be positive!

Be careful!

Be aware!

Be strong!

Everything else will happen according to what ‘fate’ has in mind - but your actions and reactions are the only thing you can really control.

[Hopefully, a few posts later, I will attempt at this again - and write about coping with a miscarriage without losing your sanity and your partner…  Till then, be positive, be happy - enjoy your lovely time with your little one inside {either the uterus or your heart}]

Quotes on Pregnancy: Were they meant to make me happy? Or motivate me? Or scare me?? Or rub my sarcastic side?

There is so much that is written and spoken about pregnancy - All that is so beautiful, so encouraging, so mesmerising! All those women - famous, powerful, beautiful, desirable and mothers - have often contributed with their so called experience or wisdom and given some solid statements about their pregnancies or deliveries. While most of them are always soothing to the heart - some have a twist in the tale - something so absurd said or written, that makes you wonder whether they were being positive about being pregnant or being sarcastic! 

Here is a compilation of all those weird quotes - to spin your head around - tickle you - give you stupid thoughts - entertain you (While deep inside you already know how beautiful, serene and spiritually elevating is this experience of being pregnant - regardless of what others have to tell you about it!)

1. "Having a baby is like getting a tattoo on your face. You really need to be certain it's what you want before you commit."

- By Elizabeth Gilbert (In her famous book 'Eat Pray Love')

2. Whether your pregnancy was meticulously planned, medically coaxed, or happened by surprise, one thing is certain – your life will never be the same.

– Catherine Jones


3. Everything grows rounder and wider and weirder, and I sit here in the middle of it all and wonder who in the world you will turn out to be.

– Carrie Fisher


4.

5. Of course I can do this. I'm pregnant, not brain-damaged. My condition doesn't change my personality.” 

- Christine Feehan (Ruthless Game)

6. We only have babies when we're young enough not to know how grim life turns out. 

- Gregory Maguire (Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West)

7.  Pregnancy seems designed to prepare you for life as a mother. You start making sacrifices nine months before the child is born, so by the time they put in an appearance you are used to giving things up for them.” 

- Brett Kiellerop

8. That first pregnancy is a long sea journey to a country where you don't know the language, where land is in sight for such a long time that after a while it's just the horizon - and then one day birds wheel over that dark shape and it's suddenly close, and all you can do is hope like hell that you've had the right shots. 

- Emily Perkins (Novel about My Wife)

9. The world was full of dangers now that she was pregnant: mercury in tuna, hot tubs, beer, secondhand smoke, over-the-counter medicine. Not to mention crazy baby-abducting fairy kings.

- Jennifer McMahon

10. Men never feel quite the same about a woman's body once they know it's done that thing: widened and torn to push out a baby's head.

- Emma Donoghue

11. If you want to know the value of a month, ask a pregnant woman, if a month matters in her pregnancy.

- Sunday Adelaja

12. Don't worry. Here's the thing I've learned about pregnancy. Everything feels like a crisis and everything turns out to be heartburn.

- Cammie McGovern

13. Life is tough enough without having someone kick you from the inside.   - Rita Rudner

14. Think of stretch marks as pregnancy service stripes. 

- Joyce Armor

15. By far the most common craving of pregnant women is not to be pregnant.  

- Phyllis Diller

16. Childbirth provided the drama I craved, the thrill of peeking over the primal edge of creation, the rush of the unexpected.  

- Peggy Vincent


17. I realize why women die in childbirth — it's preferable.  

- Sherry Glaser


18. Being pregnant is an occupational hazard of being a wife. 

- Queen Victoria

19. 

20. When I got pregnant, I had to concentrate on being pregnant for a whole nine months, even though I knew it was ruining my career at the time. 

- Yoko Ono


21. 

I WANT A 'FAIR' CHILD!! {[Not 'fair' (by nature); but 'fair' (by colour)!! ]}

For a Nation obsessed with 'fair' skin - where all celebrities, themselves dusky, with a beautiful Indian complexion - promote all these 'fair' and 'lovely' fairness creams for women and now men; how could we not have some funny grandma's tips about producing 'fair' kids in this big, dark world. 

Defying all the theories of genetics, here are some age-old tips that have been passed on through generations, that almost always ensure your child will be 'as white as milk', regardless of your and your partner's complexion. 

1. Drink Milk with Kesar in it every morning.

[Milk is itself so white, why pollute the colour to yellow with Kesar - shouldn't we aim for directly blond kids???]

2. Before you even brush your teeth, eat a 'rasgulla' on empty stomach every morning.

[Shouldn't all bengali women be fair then? Instead of their killer dusky complexion, big beautiful eyes and luscious locks - they would all be simply 'white'!!]

3. Eat watermelons - as many and as often as you can. 

[This one is the funniest - how on Earth could that have started. At least the above two are white food items you know. But strangely, one of my cousins, who have managed to produce a strikingly fair daughter for their rather dark complexions - do give full credit to watermelons]

4. Eat oranges and drink plenty of orange juice. 

[Why haven't the fairness creams yet started making creams with 'orange' extracts I wonder!! Kesar is already quite famous!]

5. Drink coconut water regularly.

[By that logic - South Indians would have never been any other shade except 'pure white']

6. Eat eggs that too in the second trimester. 

[Aah!! All you strict vegetarians - you gals will miss out on this one! Sad!! Also, I don't understand the insistence on the second trimester?]

7.  Eat ghee. 

[So we have graduated here - from milk to ghee - this might lead to you getting your essential fat intake, making the baby healthy - and so shining - but the fair part - I am still not sold on it!]

8. Hang a photograph of a fair baby in your bedroom. 

[I'll also hang a photograph of a mansion in my hall - so that my husband delivers that soon after I deliver the fair baby -- No offence to all those 'Secret' followers... ]

On a serious note: 'Garbh Sanskar' believers and practitioners very strongly believe that they can mould all the features in the baby, including behaviour patterns and human qualities and intellect and talents and so on, while the foetus is growing in the womb. There is a science around it that they study while doing an Ayurveda course. And we, the negligent Indians, might wait for the West to promote it first and export it back to us (Just like what happened to 'Yoga' - while we ignored it, the West made it the latest movement). Yet, I am still not sure Garbh Sanskar is so much about fair skin - it must be about healthy, glowing skin!! Who knows? What if we could all be wrong and actually some of these above mentioned practices when mixed with the right Ayurvedic medicines and Yoga - be producing miraculously fair skins!!!  

Dental woes in pregnancy!!

"Why does everything have to go wrong now?" You would wonder if you suddenly started getting tooth ache every night to add to your other sleeping issues that are already creating quite some discomfort. But then, such is life. Troubles are always on sale and accompany each other; and so do rewards. 

PC: Google

When I finally went to the dentist today morning, she was very relieved to know that I was in the second trimester. Because this is the only trimester when they even attempt to treat you, other two trimesters they will avoid as much as possible. But if there is acute, unbearable pain and/or an emergency - of course they will work upon it anytime. I had to get a filling done and my idiotic wisdom tooth removed. She was so careful with the drilling, that I thought in my heart, that everyone should go to a dentist when they are pregnant only. At least they are more sensitive to your sensitivity. At all other times, they so strongly believe that bearing some pain is so normal. But dental drilling pain to bear is not so normal - someone needs to explain to them. 

My little jig at the dentist gave me material for yet another post, which I think is so important, and I would have missed had I not faced it myself. 

The way it goes:

First you wonder - Oh Shit! Can I go to a dentist while I am pregnant? Is it allowed? You conclude yourself that it is not right. And so bear the pain (if that is the reason you need to urgently go) for a few days. Then it becomes a little too much to bear. So you put it on your list of things to ask your gynaecologist. And when you do so, he/she very casually tells you - yes you can go to the dentist, just make him speak to me if anything major. He gives a nod, but the family still have their inhibitions and so do you. But you still make up your mind one day, after having bore the pain for some twentieth night and finally do end up at the dentist's clinic. They check you up, tell you to hold on till delivery for all those smaller cavities or treatments that can be delayed. But for the ones where the pain is unbearable - they ask you to take action - because you don't really have a choice. They ask for the gyneacologist's permission in writing. You give it to them. They go ahead. And finally after taking all the extra precautions (No X-rays, only a few medicines, careful local aneasthesia ), you are through with your dental woes.... ! Phew! What a relief!! 

Moral of the story:

1. If you are planning a pregnancy - better get your teeth checked in advance. You don't need this additional adventure during your pregnancy!!

2. If the pregnancy is a surprise gift and so is the tooth ache (can never really be - has to be ignorance or procrastination) - go to the dentist - you don't really have a choice. 

3. Be careful about informing them about your pregnancy - there are a lot of precautions they need to take - especially around the X-ray part - and you can't be stupid in not letting them know. 

4. The above three hold true - if these are general dental issues. Do remember that there are dental complaints that are due to pregnancy - especially related to the gums -- Gingivitis. With this one, you can't plan anything in advance - this is the by product of your pregnancy. So go with the flow - do not ignore - get it treated as the first thing on your priority list. There are effects of that infection on the baby and you certainly don't want that. And this is caused by hormonal changes, fuelled further thanks to poor hygiene. So ensure you maintain optimum dental hygiene under any circumstances. 

Dad-to-be, it's all about being a good husband first!!

You wake up in the morning and can hear your husband doing the dishes in the kitchen. You shoot a sharp look at the clock on the side table. 'Oh Gosh! It's 7:30 already. I shouldn't have slept so long! He must be getting late and must be wanting his chai!! But why is he doing the dishes? He should have woken me up!' All these thoughts are fast pacing in your head and you storm into the kitchen. He has organised the dishes already and is almost ready to start making his morning cuppa. You question him, rather rudely, what was he doing there, couldn't he wake you up instead. He feels a little offended. One, he tried not to wake you up and started doing things himself. And to top that, has to hear an earful for that. He still keeps his calm, "Relax, I wanted to have chai. Saw that you had put the tops of the stove for washing, so had to clean them - that's it. What's the problem?" "But why are you doing it?" "So what! You were sleeping and I didn't want to disturb you!" "You should have. I don't like you doing all these things when I am around." "Ok fine do it now." He stops and starts getting ready. But he is annoyed and so are you. And you, being you, the pregnant you; can't stop but murmur some complaints - loud enough for him to hear it. And he comes storming in, demanding you to stop at once; accepts that it was his mistake that he wished to have chai this morning, and now he doesn't want one anymore. Your mood immediately changes gear, now you want to make up to him. Because your intention was not to irritate him early in the morning, but simply ensure that you were around to give him a good breakfast before he left. But then what was he supposed to do? Should he have done the dishes or no? Should he have woken you up or no? Should he have had his cuppa of chai or no? What should he have done, that he did wrong, that made a mess of the morning? 

Neither of you have the answers! 

I say - neither of you need to have the answers. It's just pregnancy doing this to 'her' and you - Mr. Husband, will have to, unfortunately, bare with it. She loves you. You love her. You'll are in this together. She doesn't know what is happening to her. You don't know what is happening to her. No one knows why these things happen. But they certainly, invariably happen. Couples end up fighting for no reason, no fault, no catalyst, no need! 

So all you Dads-to-be, you are neither going to get the baby bump, nor the morning sickness, nor the cramps, nor the body aches, nor the kicks, nor the sleepless nights and nor the labour pain or all that follows it. So all you need to do is be there. Be there for her, bare with her and most importantly don't judge her - she is still the same woman - just love her. She needs it. 

Image source

Quick guide to being a good Husband - the pre-requisite for being the good Dad ::

1. Love her (Hugs, caresses, kisses, 'Love you's and anything and everything that makes her feel loved. 

2. Listen to her (All her stupid chatter, her ranting, her crying, her joking, her baby talk, her anxiety 

talk - everything)

3. Help her with her work but pretend you never did anything (She will always know you helped. But she doesn't want to feel she can't do it anymore or she has become week - Hence, the pretence part)

4. Hold her hand while crossing the road (You might have always done this - but now when you will do it - she will invariably notice and love you more. And in her hearts, will tell her child how much she loves you and how much he or she should value their dad)

5. Do go for her check ups with her. (Be inside during the sonography also - she will be more happy if you saw the child moving than she will be to see herself.)

6. Remind her of her medicines and exercises (Go to the park for a walk together, pop medicines together - at times surprise her with a 'your special' smoothie or juice or cut fruits)

7. Touch the tummy, feel the baby (You may feel something, you may not. But trust me, she will feel good for sure. She wants you to love the baby, be there for him/her even now)

8. Give her a massage once in a while (It's great if you can do it more regularly, but if not - as often as you can - Feet massage or a head massage. She may not say, but her feet are constantly craving for it.)

9. Eat meals together. (May be you get late at night or have to leave very early in the morning and don't want her to be waiting while you are back. Ask her to join you with a cup of milk or a fruit, but ensure you two enjoy a meal together)

10. If you think she is low, act fast, distract her mind (Take her out shopping or to the beach or some movie - she needs it. She is low and needs you to be there. And in spite of an outing, there is an outburst in the night - let her cry her heart out and then hold her tight for a long time till she feels better. )