As my battle with (actually FOR) Sleep continues..

The one thing everyone invariably complaints about is ‘lack of proper sleep’… I am no different… 

I try to do everything to get my good night’s sleep. 

• Not sleep during the day
• One cup of warm milk 
• Warm water bath at night
• Followed by massage by loving husband
• Some soothing, stress relieving music in the background
• Dreamcatcher on my wall
• Aroma Oil in my room

But nothing seems to consistently work. 

PC: Google

There is day here and there when I am happy with my sleep. But again, the next night - the battle continues. After a good massage, two or three hours are taken care of, but what later? Same old routine - sleep in breaks!! And dreams - don’t even ask - they are not necessarily nightmares. Actually, thankfully never nightmares! But too elaborate and detailed and real-like. If no dreams one night then there are baby kicks giving me company. Or the ‘not getting comfortable in a particular sleeping position’ feeling! If yesterday, sleeping on the left had worked for two hours straight - today the same side will feel extremely uneasy and suddenly sleeping on the back will seem to work. But very soon that position will also lose its charm and you will have to start exploring again.  To top that - the growing size of the bump - stresses you more about ensuring you are sleeping in the most comfortable position without putting any pressure on the bump or the little one inside. 

Even if you have come a little ahead tackling your sleeping position issue - there is the sense of time passing by feeling still awaiting you. I can feel every single hour as it passes me by. What happened to that ‘me’ who would close her eyes and then open them and a night would have passed by and would be complaining, ‘Oh Shit - it’s morning so soon - I thought I just went to sleep!’ So much I used to hate it then. And now I long for it!! And hello - what happened to the peeing in the night? Every few hours your bladder will hurt as though you have gulped down a fresh bottle of water each time. And then you will have your mental war with the body to coax the muscles to move and get out of the bed to relieve yourself. This is the time, when you will want to sleep the most. But for the fact that you have no choice - you will have to get up and get out of the bed - to come back to it again, having flushed the sleep with your pee. Again your mini mission to get back to sleep will start all over again and you will hate yourself for having to pee at just the wrong time. 

And as they say - all this is going to get worse once you deliver! The baby will cry when you will be most sleepy or be in a very playful mood when all your energies would have exhausted and behave as if he or she has just started their day when it is already three in the night… But amidst all these new battles - what will be constant is the craving for a good night’s sleep, which is never going to be satisfied. 

I tried to look for some medical reasons for it. But found none! I guess it is just a part of life. The more we stress and think about it - the more difficult it gets! 

Today, I didn’t plan to start my day with a blog post on my lack of sleep - but I got up so sleep deprived that I just had to let it out of my system! And I am sure, many of you, who have either faced this in the past or are facing it now - would completely relate to my situation and sympathise with it. And if by any chance, you had found your way around it by doing something particular - please do share it here - for all of us to experience at least a week’s peaceful sleep before the little miracle is out!! 

A pregnancy post a Sleeve Gastrectomy

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This article comes from my personal experience and not just some referencing on the Internet or talking to some doctors or patients.. So I can vouch for it a hundred percent. I say this as the first thing - because this is a very sensitive matter - pregnancies are very precious and sleeve gastrectomy is a very major operation. 

A quick brief for those who don’t know what I am talking about - 

Sleeve Gastrectomy is a weight loss operation that obese people undergo when they have tried all other means and are still unable to lose weight. In this operation, using the laparoscopic method, the stomach of the patient is cut down to almost 10-20% of its actual size and then stapled to give it an intestine (tube) like shape instead of the regular bean shape. What it basically does is that it reduces the intake of food - the patient is unconsciously forced to eat only small portions and that too at regular 2-3 hours intervals. This then leads to a consistent weight loss over six months to a year’s duration till the patient is fairly close to their ideal body weight.

These days, usually it is the girls who go through it in their early or late twenties - when they have got tired with all their repeated failures at various weight loss programs. Hence, the biggest question that they all pose is what will happen when they will conceive? 

Will it affect their fertility adversely? 

Even if they do conceive, will their baby be under constant threat? 

Will the baby get enough nourishment, considering the restricted food intake?

I think it is a valid concern. When everyone around you is getting obsessed about you eating for two people; how would you feel if you were hardly eating for one? 

Most often, a gynaecologist is going to defy all these myths of eating for two people and going to tell you to go for smaller meals at regular intervals. And remember, this you have already been doing for a long time. And coming to nourishment - that’s exactly what the prenatal vitamins are for! Even for those who have not been operated, these additional supplements have been prescribed - the simple reason being that the quantity of your food doesn’t guarantee the right nutrients reaching the foetus. For that - you have all these additional supplements and they do their job right regardless of whether you have got operated or no. And then coming to the delivery part - these are two different systems in your body - one is a digestive system and other is the reproductive system - they do not affect each other at the delivery stage. So relax!! 

Simply enjoy your pregnancy and let your past surgery not stress you today…. 

Hospital Bag Check List

Hospital Bag Check List is a must! You don't want to go crazy in those last few hours of your pregnancy when already there is so much action happening. Being prepared for this one is the most appropriate thing to do. People seem to have crazily detailed lists that can include things like the hair straightener and blow-driers or 'Thank you' notes for the hospital staff or DVD player with shortlisted DVDs to watch and so on.. One needs to understand what one is going to need and be ready for it in advance - however ridiculous it may sound to those around you, who haven't done this themselves. But when they will see how handy it came to you at the right time - they are going to realise.... 

I just compiled one for myself and thought it might just be worth sharing... Basic stuff plus some cute stuff that I really want to do when my baby is born - say like the Baby Birth Shadow Box or some Thank you notes for my relatives and the nursing staff at the hospital or some fun photography in my hospital room.

PS: It is a printable version where in you can add your personal notes as well...

Reading Stories Actively.... (An Event by the British Council Mumbai)

The British Council in Mumbai is coming up with an event - 'Reading Stories Actively'  tomorrow i.e.. 27th June 2016 from 5 PM onwards @ British Council, 901/ 9th Floor, One IndiaBulls Centre, Tower 1, Senapati Bapat Marg, Elphinstone Road, Mumbai Maharashtra 400013.

It might be an unique experience for all those voracious young readers out there... 

Pregnancy Photoshoot in the Rains

Today morning my husband surprised me by making a plan to take me on a long drive into the heart of the Nature on a rainy and a rather lazy Saturday. He enthusiastically offered to drive me to the Sanjay Gandhi National Park, which is located in Borivali (suburbs) - a patch of a forest area that stands as a pleasant contrast to the concrete jungle that Mumbai as a city is! I wanted to write for the blog in the morning, but his offer was too tempting to give it a miss. And as rightly anticipated - it was quite a refreshing break from the daily hustle and bustle that this city has to offer to us - the soothing sound of the rain, the greens, the mini-waterfalls everywhere - simply Nature at it's serene best!! Just what my child was waiting to experience!!!

There were a lot of people there today - mostly teenagers, drenching in the rains and making the most of their awesome time in life. Little do they know that once their college is going to over, life will take over in a completely different avatar?

We drove and drove and stopped and watched in awe - we smiled and laughed, we turned of the radio to listen to the Nature's music - we were simply happy in a very enriching way!! We just loved it!!

We clicked this one picture randomly and I was so happy with it - that I thought pregnancy photography in the rains is such an interesting idea.

Just in case, you also decide to take a stroll in the Nature, remember to carry your camera and bring back some sweet memories....

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Image Source: 
1 - www.google.com
2 - www.indulgy.com
3 - www.jonetsuphotography.com 
4 - www.yvonneniemannphotography.info

So Miss... Did you check your bag???

Heading out in the rains, did you put all those things in your bag??

1. A folding Umbrella - Did I even have to put it on the list??

2. A Rain Coat - Or are you the rain coat types?? (During Pregnancy - I wouldn't recommend a raincoat!)

3. Rainy Footwear - Incase you want to wear matching footwear with your favourite dress taking the opportunity to paused showers - do not forget to carry an extra pain - rather the right pair of rainy footwear for your way back or in case it starts raining anytime. 

4. A hand towel - Carry a thick one without fail - Your immunity doesn't need any adventure... in case you get wet in the rain - dry yourself as much as you can.

5. A hand santizer - You just can't miss this one... especially on a long day out. 

6. Some tissue papers - Might want to wipe something before you sit - toilet seat or the any other seat or handle - you do not want to mix your hand towel to do these tasks you know!

7. Moisturiser and talcum powder - Make a small travel kit with small bottles containing both - a moisturiser as well as talcum powder - you could need any.. 

8. Some Toilet Seat Sanitising Spray - Incase you have to use a public loo - why take the risk of using it without cleansing it - your private parts are precious parts you know!!

9. Extra cotton panty liners - The humidity is high and so are your personal discharges - making you quite uncomfortable after a few hours - best to keep extra panty liners handy - why let the extra humidity cause the irritation...?

10. Munchies and your own bottle of water - You are going to be thirsty and you are going to be hungry! Cant stop the car and eat anything from the street on the go (Remember??? No eating roadside in rains when pregnant!!!Uff!!!) - So keep yourself loaded with food and water essentials. If you want you could carry a green tea or coffee in a flask as well! 

10 Pregnancy Tips for the Rains...

1. Watch your step - You just can't afford to fall... 

Watch out for wet floors - no rubber soles - simply no falling on the ground. 

2. Cravings will multiply and options will divide!!

Even if you crave for all those chats by the beach or spicy Indian chinese on the streets - you will have hold your horses. Make all those things at home - but no way you nibbling on any street side food. 

3. Hot water baths...

Gone are those sweaty summers that tempted you for quick showers all the time. Now is the time to soak in the goodness of Nature. Long, hot water baths will bring your muscles the much needed relaxation and take care of your hygiene. As you Grandma would have lovingly advised you - put some Neem leaves into the water - will act as a natural anti bacterial solution. 

4. You will see water everywhere but that doesn't mean your body is hydrated. 

Now that you are not feeling that hot or sweaty anymore, don't forget to still keep yourself hydrated. You still need a lot of water. Drinking plenty of water is essential!! Trying sipping in hot water - or better if you have a green tea or some fancy flavoured tea like the chamomile tea or something... Will make you feel good about the weather. 

5. Eat as much hot food as possible. Give all those raw food diets a miss!! No raw vegetables - boil them into a soup or saute them... Especially with the green leafy vegetables - be extra careful about cleaning them - there will be too much mud and as many bacterias...

6. If you enjoyed the readily chopped vegetables and fruits from the super market to save your time - you will have to push yourself to chop them yourselves. Avoid all those chopped ones - as they attract a lot more moisture and bacteria. 

7. Most often rains are about hygiene and food related issues... One more tip in the food section - if you are a sea food lover - you are going to hate this time... Strictly avoid sea food... You do not want that extra complication at this time of your life. 

8. Step out in clean shoes and come back and wash them instantly. You do not want to store all those extra bacteria in your footwear. Also important to come back and sanitise yourself - especially the hands and feet. 

9. You may think gone are the summers and I can get back to all my fancy synthetic clothing - then you are highly mistaken. Nylons and synthetics are going to itch and irritate - make you unnecessarily sweaty - stick to lose cottons (I know difficult to take the muddy stains off!! ) - they will keep let the skin breathe and cause no irritation. 

10. Each time you crave for some chai and pakodas - don't shy away - one thing you can indulge in as much as you want.. Ensure you getting the pakodas fried at home!!!

Angry Indian Goddesses

Angry Indian Goddesses - Just saw this film - at the end of a rather ’moody’ ‘pregnant’ day! How often do you see films that move you in depths you don’t realise still exist in you? ‘Angry Indian Goddesses ‘speaks of a lot of issues that women in India go through in the most fun, easy going, cool manner ever! And I must say it certainly didn’t get its due recognition or appreciation. A solid lot of talented ladies, all on the same canvas, stroking a different hue to the this portrait of the Angry indian Goddess of a film! 

This post is not that much about reviewing the film (it is hands down a ‘must watch’ in my opinion) but more so about what it tries to tell us and how we as women really need to get that right. Each one of us, however different we may be from each other, in our voices always echo about similar regrets, deprivations, emotional draining and suffering.. You could be this ultra cool urbane chic or a village belle; at the deeper root level - we all are the same. 

Why do we always place the happiness of others over ours? 

Why do we always fail to understand what happiness should mean to us?

Why do we always seek for happiness beyond ourselves?

Why do we always entrust others with our happiness?

My whole day today went by trying to convince myself about this one thing - which this film finally did - that I need to find ways to be happy with myself.. With being myself… Doing the things I want to do… Being the person I want to be… Without having to make compromises for others.. without having to worry about what others are going to think or do… End of the day - it is you who is always going to be by you… And hopefully never let you down. Everyone else, knowingly or unknowingly, is invariably going to let you down. So be happy anyways.. Just simply be happy… Even if you have made mistakes… Taken wrong decisions and are now paying the price.. Smile… It is not going to cost you extra. Because it is only when you will smile that your brain will start functioning again. And you will be able to take the control of your life back into your hands - Get out of this current problem and gear up to win even the bigger battles of life. 

A strong, self made woman was once complaining to me - Why is my life like this? Why do I have to find my own way out of every situation? Why do I have to always take my own decisions? Why do I always have to earn my own money? Why can’t I have a simply life where people pay for my expenses and take decisions on my behalf while I just take care of the house? 

And then another woman was once complaining to me - Why is my life like this? Why couldn’t I find my way out of all these situations in my life? Why did I never get to take my decisions? Why was I never financially independent? Why did I always have to rely on people to pay my expenses? Why had my life narrowed down to only taking care of the house? 

So either ways - it is going to be difficult only.. Such is life.. 

So why lose your sanity for the sake of others. Or worse - by thinking that the grass is greener on the other side! Trust me it is not! And even if it is… Is it always necessary to have the greenest grass? 

Life is an experience.. To elevate us to the next level. But we women, get so caught up in our day to day life - that never get out of that routine to become seekers.. Why not experience divine bliss in knowing the unknown… Knowing the ‘real’ truth of the world.. rather than being caught up in the daily rut.. 

Haso Gao Muskrao - Kya pata kay ho na ho… 

Or rather… Breathe and watch your breath.. That will heal half the issues.. 

A letter...

She laid there restless all night - hardly ever sleeping. It was only in the wee hours in the morning that she finally got tired and caught on some sleep. When she woke up next morning, what she found next to her bed - shook her beyond repair. It was a handwritten letter, which she chose to read - she chose yet again… to torture herself!! Little did she know that the letter was going to bring her the regret that even a lifetime wouldn't help her heal? 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Momma….

I am sorry. I am sorry because I couldn’t be your perfect child. 

I am sorry that you had to go through so much because of me.

I am sorry I let you down.  And I am sorry I made you suffer. 

All this while - standing in the queue to Heaven, I was continuously thinking of you. I hope you finally got some sleep and your mind is at rest now. Don’t worry too much about me - I am fine. Though I am still here, waiting for my turn to reach up there, to start all over again, to find another entry, another womb, another life and another mother. I think I am nearing the main gate. Thought I should bid to you the final good bye till then. And hope that the next time I don’t let anyone down. 

Let me assure you once again that I am fine. Honestly I feel much better. For some reason I feel free also - No more floating inside a closed space - this new place is quite windy and open and infinite. It makes me want to stay here only, not return back. But they say such is the cycle of Life and Death - you keep on going through it until you find your truth, your Moksha… And I think I have a lot more lives to go before I start that journey… Till then let me serve my purpose of existence each time. And that thought got me wondering - what happened to my purpose of existence this time around?? Did I really serve it or was I denied it before I even got out of you? 

In a way, I believe it’s a great favour you did on me. Because now I am also understanding - that the life with the Downs Syndrome wouldn’t have been an easy journey. And you saved me from that suffering with your foresightedness. But there must have been at least something for me na? 

I was just discussing my story with this fellow and he had a very interesting thing to tell me. He told me about Lauren Potter and Luke Zimmerman - famous celebrities despite of all the disabilities. You know I couldn’t help but I got envious of them. Suddenly all this happy feeling in me changed. And a deep regret kind of a pain seeped in. God only knows how! Suddenly I wanted to be that person - suddenly I also wanted to be this different child and have a similar success story. And somehow I was convinced that God did actually plan something great for me. But I couldn’t experience it. Anyways next time I guess. Though I don’t know what form I might get when I will be reborn. 

You are right in your doing - you would have suffered as much with me. Good you took that decision. I wouldn’t have liked to see you suffer - after all you were my mother - how could I bear that thought of you suffering every single day of your life seeing me. Thanks that you saved me from that guilt. But I was also just thinking - what if I was all perfect when born and then later something happened to me - some accident, some illness, something - that would once again not make me perfect - would you have chose to kill me then also?? 

Don’t cry.. Don’t cry.. I don’t mean to hurt you or nor is this any kind of a taunt. But after all I am also human na… Obviously it hurt me deeply that you abandoned me like that…!! 

But I am looking forward to this next life. And I am next in the turn to go in, so I need to rush. You take care. Wish you all the best for your life.. 

Your Son… Never mind.. Not important… Bye!!

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She just laid there... Not restless this time... Just quiet!!! Silent tears rolling down her cheeks...

Disclaimer: This is not a post to enforce any particular action by parents when got caught at similar crossroads (For those who know what I mean!). Nor is this a judgment on what people chose to do and what they shouldn't have. It is easier to write about it than to live it. This letter and every word of it.. Just came to me from the Universe and I typed it down. I am not sure what I would have done in a similar situation as well. These words just came to me and I had to be the medium to send them out... 

I want to know what were you thinking? and WHY??????

2016 Orlando Night Club shooting is a classic example of where the world is heading with all it’s hatred and violence. One man, Mr. Omar Mateen, so called Homophobic, gets so powerful and armed, that he single handedly executes a massacre at a Gay Club in Orlando, Florida. And what comes out as his motivation for the action is his hatred and phobia against the LGBT group. 

My purpose of writing this post is to understand what triggers such phobias in people. I have a cynophobia ( a fear of dogs). But I consciously know that half of it is my own doing. Once, when very young, I had seen a street dog bite my mother. And then a few month’s later, a Doberman, who was a pet at my relative’s place, attacked me. These back to back incidents in the formative years created a strong impression in my head. But even then - I am fully aware that my phobia is very flexible - I am not scared of the street dogs, that you see loitering around almost everywhere in India, in the day. But the same dogs, when they get ferocious in the night and bark at people passing by, I get scared. I am not scared of cute looking dogs, but I am scared of these two labradors that reside in my building. They haven’t particularly harmed me, but it is their size and their aggression that scares me more than anything else. 

All in all, what I am trying to say is ‘phobia’ is all in the mind. One can be conditioned to get out of it. And one can be conditioned to multiply the aversion. I think Omar Mateen was of the later category. There are some members of the LGBT group, enjoying themselves in the confined environment of a club, some hundred miles away from where you are - What the hell is your problem? What the hell is your trigger to go and open firing at them? What was their mistake or wrong doing that compelled you to take such a severe action? Just the mere fact that they were naturally born with different sexual orientations - not necessarily wrong or abnormal - just different from yours… That’s it! 

This is where we are doing wrong. I know a cousin of mine, who when first came to Mumbai, and saw two boys walking hand in hand, passed a very nasty comment at them. Why is that our instant reaction? Why haven’t we trained our children to accept everything and everyone the way they are without judging them or passing a comment. Why is it that we are so rigid about everything? Shouldn’t we teach our children to respect everyone - irrespective of their religion or sexual orientation or cast or colour or creed or anything? Is it so difficult I want to ask? The problem is not in the kids, the problem is with the parents! They are themselves so rigid in their head. How will they inculcate positive feelings in their children? Shouldn’t we be more tolerant of the world around us? Shouldn’t we give our kids an open ground to chose what they want to - be it opinions even? And I am sure that the next generation may not necessarily have the same hang ups as the previous generation.  

I am affected... And I am disappointed... And I am angry... I want to shout to make these idiots understand how they are so wrong... But you can't change the world and the way they think with one post, one lecture, one incident... You need to change as a whole - as a society! Be more sensitive towards fellow humans and their sufferings... 

What will I do should my kids behave this way???

Each time a child visits my place, my mental diary starts taking notes of what behaviour trait of that child can be there in my child and what can certainly not be there.

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Today’s post is mainly about what behaviour of kids I absolutely detest and will kill myself if my child ends up doing any or all of those things.

• ‘Aap Gande Ho (You are a dirty person!)’ - The minute someone scolded this tiny niece of mine, she would declare, “Aap Gande Ho”. Someone denying her their phone or someone just saying the matter of fact - ‘Aap ke Papa mere bhaiya hain’ - And her patent winning reply is “Aap Gande Ho” I looked at my husband and he instantly shared the same observation and feeling. Our child if he or she ever uttered ‘Aap Gande Ho’ - Either I’ll kill or I’ll die!! 
• Wanting to play games on other people’s phones or tablets or iPads! First things first - I want to save my child from this video game frenzy (God only knows how I will do it in times when every other kid is only glued to their parents’ phone or gadgets!). And secondly - never ever will he or she beg and plead or worse cry for other people’s phones. Someone’s phone is after all someone’s phone. How can a kid randomly claim to play on it and parents sit and watch. I have no major attachment with my phone, but there are a lot of people I know who love their phones rather too dearly to see it slip out from the hands of a kiddo who they can’t even scold for having done that. 
• Get into the investigation mode the minute they get into someone’s house and then start claiming their right over playing with the artefacts they have carefully placed in the various nooks and corners of the house. How would you feel if you suddenly find the kid playing with the pendrive that had some important official data and he dips it in the aquarium in your hall? Never mind.. Don’t stress. It’s not always that bad!
• Get into someone’s kitchen to beg for food as if they have never been fed anything ever. For this one I had an instant answer in my head - Carry a tiffin for them anywhere they go. So they are so used to eating from their own tiffin that they never look out for food outside. If they are offered and they eat - it’s different. 
• In the middle of a serious scene or a love scene in the cinema hall - he or she will ask - “Mumma yeh log kya kal lahe hain? (Momma what are they doing?)” —— Hello!!!! Why will my child even be in the cinema hall watching a serious or erotic film in the first place?!? Exactly my point! Why do parents bring their kids to cinema halls - Is it to torture others in the cinema hall or is it their secret idea to embarrass and torture their spouses?? Because certainly the kid is not going to let you watch the film peacefully. So why are you even attempting in the first place. 
• Become M F Hussain on someone else’s canvas (Wall I mean!)!! Oh! How I will kill myself that minute if we go to someone’s house warming party and my child scribbles on the wall with the pen he or she finds placed near the study table or somewhere! Somethings should be made clear - When in other people’s houses, there is a certain way to behave! And you cannot not follow those rules!
• Push the poor hosts to gift their beloved things. At times kids do this trick rather too smartly - They just hold on to what they have been given to play and then not part with it only - compelling the host to finally say, “You can take it home, it is yours!” The one thing I want to train my kids for sure is to come and tell me about everything they want and believe that their mother will get it for them. So they certainly don’t have to force others to gift it to them. 
• The little one who was sweet like a fairy has suddenly turned into a monster - big angry eyes, looking straight at me, arguing at the top of her voice, throwing a tantrum and creating a big scene - embarrassing the mother to no end and compelling her to give in to the kid’s demand that very minute. (I thought in my head that the mother wanted to slap the child or probably she would have if no one was seeing!) 

There are still always going to be some remarks by them or some actions of them that are going to embarrass us as parents. As kids do not know how to fake it, and there will be some honest innocent opinions or actions of theirs that might not be so cool! But that is a different story. That is a given!!

What I get annoyed the most about is when it is in our control and we as parents, are so lazy to put in the effort to inculcate some good behaviour in our kids. 

Let us all hope and pray and try and form a system where we inculcate only good behaviour in our kids. And leave the rest to destiny!! 

Massagewali Aunty Vs Me - Momma Massagewali!!!

I knew then that a new battle is going to start between me and my mother when I had my first argument with her regarding the ‘massage’ of my baby which was then due some seven months later. My mother - the ultimate older generation and me - the self proclaimed, cool, new generation; were both getting geared for something we both knew was absolutely unavoidable. Both from different generations, with very different ideas and ideals about childcare and parenting; we were up for a a very different journey together. 

See there are these in numerous thoughts that come to a pregnant woman’s mind about things she will do for the child and the things she will not. Then there are thousands of those advices by all those good hearted relatives and friends that are constantly floating around in the air and giving you company. Then there is the Internet, which has a lot more information to offer to you from various hosts. And then ultimately you have the two most important ladies - Your mother and your Mother In Law. (Even if they have a solid difference of opinion about everything else under the Sun - On this one topic, they will be on the same side - They will both assume that you are too young, with no earlier pregnancy experience to know anything about what to do about your pregnancy and your child - so you need an elderly person in the family to continuously guide you through it. For once they will both say - Do listen to the older women in the family and see what they have to say. They have delivered so many babies you see…. ) 

And trust me ‘Massagewali’ is one such sensitive conversation!! Two of my very close friends delivered in the last six months and both had to fight out their individual battles in convincing their family that after a month, they would themselves take charge of massaging the baby and giving their sons their joyful baths. Some years back, I was working on a commercial for J&J Baby Oil and my Director - who was a pro at childcare, who seem to have been a know-it-all, done-it-all, hands-on father - complaining to me about how the trend of having a ‘massagewali bai’ in India is so overrated and its better that the parents take up that duty themselves. Since then, this thought had kind of got stuck in my head and I wanted to have my say in this matter whenever I have my baby. So, finally when I did get pregnant, the first thought that came to my mind was about the ‘massage’ for the baby and my take on it. Just in a casual conversation when I shared my desire of doing it myself - in no time - the conversation soared up to being an argument and then a fight. My instant mental note was that I will have to first get my facts right before I take on any call in this matter. And so I went about inquiring with my friends and doctors and the internet. And all i could do was - compile point of views!! Not form one as yet!

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What the Older Lot has to say - 

• These are trained women, who have been doing this for many a years. They know which muscles to massage, which bones to press harder to shape them right! 
• Across India, across cultures - people have been doing this for generations - has anything gone wrong with you or your husband - you both have got massage done from one of these ‘massagewalis’ only!
• Kids crying during massage is the most common thing ever - rather it is important that they cry - it’s an assurance that they are getting the needed pressure on their body!
• There are other ways for the Mother to bond with the child. It is a good heeling time for the mother and her body - when this important responsibility is taken over by someone who knows their job. 
• The baby is too small for all your experiments - you don’t even know to hold it right - forget massage! What if the baby falls?
• We will find a neat and clean lady - and more so she will wash her hands well with hand wash and sanitiser before touching the baby and then the water will be hot and we will put in some Dettol in it - so there will be no infection from there. 

What the Younger Lot has to say - 

• Where have these women been trained?? We could also learn stuff from videos online. 
• Across the globe, across cultures - mothers give massage to their children themselves - when you see the foreigners do you feel their anatomy didn’t shape up right because they didn’t get the ideal massage when they were born!
• I don’t want my kid to cry during a massage - I believe massage is about relaxation and not torture. 
• It will serve to be a good bonding time between the mother and the child. 
• I get scared the way she was handling my little one - rolling and tossing - what if the baby falls? 
• They go and interact with a lot of kids whose hygiene standards you can’t monitor - what if she passes on some infection?

And then I found this article that was published in the Times of India where a senior gynaecologist has given her opinion on this matter. Please do read it for yourself. 

I am still going to put up my fight against my mother - eventually upset her to do the massage my way. Or may be give her a week to find me someone who is good enough - till the time my body full recovers to fight and actually do the massage better.

Gloomy and moody!! Such is my post today!

The first shower every year invariably makes me gloomy. Especially since I shifted to this house, which offers this spectacular view of the skyline of this city (let's say the suburban version of the real Mumbai Skyline!!)

Today morning I woke up to no 'Sun', I woke up to 'Clouds'!! I woke up to the feeling that things have cooled down a bit. My baby inside my womb also didn't kick as much last night - kind of sensed the change in advance. Very quietly me and my husband moved around the house doing our individual morning routine - without an exchange of a single word. This was a first! Either we pulled each other's leg, or argued or at least interacted about something. But today there was this uncanny silence. And at times - you do enjoy the silence as well! 

Extra 'adrak' in the Chai - a perfect start to the morning I must admit!! Just while we were sipping our magic drink, sitting by the window - the first shower finally poured down. Like my friend rightly posted on her FB page - it felt like it was washing off all the Melancholy. 

Today feels like one of those days again - I feel this deep emotion towards this child that is inside of me. I want him or her to stretch our their hands and feel the drops of this rain water. I wonder will they be the kind who enjoy the rains or the kind who hate the filth that it creates in this city that we reside in. Today I want to run away to the mountains, buy a valley facing property and sip my chai in the arms of the Nature. I don't want the drops of water that fall on my child's head to be any acidic! I want them to be droplets of joy, droplets of blessings.. Pure!! 

Workshops for Kids @ Trilogy By The Eternal Library...

I believe that today is about knowing all those things that this City(Mumbai) has to offer for kids over the coming few days. Just when the morning post was about a Children's Lit Fest, this one is about some interesting workshops that are coming up this month. 

Trilogy - By the Eternal Library - is this amazingly innovative new idea of restoring our age old tradition of reading books from a Library. Being curated by this young couple - Ahalya and Meethil Momaya - in the heart of the city - At the 1st Floor, Building No. 28, Above Mercedes Service Centre, Raghuvanshi Mills Compound, Senapati Bapat Marg, Lower Parel West, Mumbai - 400013 - certainly calls for a visit. 

A close friend of mine works with them and thats how I first found out that something like this exists. And its through her that I know how painstakingly they chose their collection and curate their library and the little store they have in it. And I must confess - I am envious and I am impressed!! This city needs more places like this - For our kids to develop the skills that are lost in the times of video games and tablets. (And I hear they have this breathtaking collection of books and reading material for kids!!)

This month they are coming up with three workshops for kids where mainly they are targeting at Vocabulary Building through story telling and creative writing. 

Find below the details for the same - they have made three batches for different age groups - check out for yourself which one works for your kids... 

 

For more details: Visit their Facebook Page!

How I wish I did something like this as a child - At least I would not have been short of words every now and then!!!!

FullyBooked - Children's Lit Fest - 11th - 12th June 2016

How often do you come across a Lit Fest in Mumbai and that too for kids??

This weekend - if you haven't already planned something - there is unique thing to do - For you and your little ones. 

Go and Enjoy with your kid. There are some really interesting sessions to cultivate creative skills in your little ones. 

Check out more details on their Facebook Page!!

Taharrush Jamai - It makes my blood boil and heart toil !!!!

I came across this extremely atrocious article on a practise where women are openly raped - Taharrush Jamai.




Link to the Article from www.thehumanitarian.in

It just shook me up so much - I had to make it a part of this blog. Though this has nothing to do with pregnancy or parenting as such. But it has a lot to do with what we want to cultivate in the Gen-Next.

Is this how we are always going to see women? As objects of petty pleasures.. As a weaker sex which was sent to this planet for the men to abuse, attack, lust, celebrate. Have they nothing solid in their purpose of existence that we always bring it down to something like this?

When will we start believing that both the genders have a unique purpose to serve on this planet - none claiming any superiority over the other - and certainly none exploiting the other on the basis of their physical strength or age old social practices and power distribution?

Earlier these kind of articles would scare me - what if I become a victim of something like this? But today, when I am pregnant with a life inside me - I am scared in a very different way.

What if I have a daughter tomorrow - how will she survive in this world like this? 

What if I have a son tomorrow - how will I bear it if he turns out to be a monster like this?

Will I have any control over how the lives of my children will shape up to be? Will I have any control on what they chose to be their ideals and theories in life?

Thoughts like these take away my sleep these days. Where is the world heading? And where will me and my family head along with it? War, calamities, communal violence, terrorism and worst of all - humans losing their humanity completely.

Should I have got pregnant then? Do I need to add a life to this world, which is decaying and coming to a misfortunate, disastrous end?

Do we even have these answers I wonder....

Double Marker Test and Triple Marker Test FAQs

With me getting pregnant now, the last pregnancy in my close family dates back to some five years back. So even though we do remember the basic things we had done then, the finer details of all the medical observations and follow ups had become faint. Just then we heard of this term we had never heard before - Double (Or Dual) Marker Test and Triple Marker Test. These are blood tests they ask you to do on the completion of eight weeks and twelve weeks respectively. 

What do they do?

Basically this is a detailed blood test following a sonography done in that period to detect any chromosomal defects in the child. 

What exactly is a double marker test?

It is a blood test to check whether your child is having any symptoms of the Down Syndrome.  This test is also called the Trisomy 21 test because it checks on the presence of the extra part in the Chromosome 21. All these are medical terms - but if I had to give you a visual reference you will understand better. Children with this disorder look like in the picture below. 

Image Source

Image Source

What exactly is a triple marker test?

Again this is a similar blood test - which studies the chromosomes in further detail (the ones that have developed in these weeks) and check whether the baby is suffering through any of the following genetic disorders:

1. Down Syndrome 

2. Edwards Syndrome - This is again a chromosomal disorder caused by an extra Chromosome 18. And the characteristics of which are a multiple physical defects in the body - kidney, heart breathing difficulties and growth deficiency. 

3. Neural Tube Defect - In this case there is some malformation or an opening of sorts either in the brain or the spinal cord (Anencephaly and Spina Bifida) 

 

How does doing these tests help?

Even while finding these references online, I dread thinking what if any of my tests showed any of these defects. How would have I felt? And how would have been that life of my child if he/she would have born like that? 

Basically these tests tell you whether the baby inside fits in the 'HIGH RISK' category or the 'LOW RISK' category. High risk means more chances of the baby having that particular defect. And low risk means mostly everything should be normal (because they still can't give a hundred percent guarantee) 

What then happens is that parents and the doctors gauge the High Risk situations - do further tests if need be - and then take the appropriate call of how to go about with the pregnancy and the child. 

How much do these tests cost?

As you read above - these are highly detailed test and do come at a price. Though it is not compulsory that everybody has to do them - but it is advisable that people do go for it. And once you read above what they help us know - I believe - rightly so!

Are their any side effects?

Not anything particular - they take out blood in the same way as they would have for probably checking diabetes or thyroid. So no side effects as such!

I haven't got them done, should I worry?

If you haven't got them done - there is nothing you can do about it. Not that people didn't deliver when these tests didn't exist. And most probably everything is going to be fine. These are rare genetic disorders. So please do not stress and panic. Be positive and everything will be just perfect!!

My tests show high risk, what should I do?

This is a highly sensitive decision to make in life. And I or anybody else other than you, wouldn't be able to make that decision on your behalf. Discuss it with your partner, family and doctor in detail and decide your course of action. All the Best. 

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Disclaimer: Though you have read this post on my blog - please do not dwell on it for too long. Or search the net for more pictures and information. It can only disturb you - seeing those images and reading those experiences. So please leave it to that. You need to feel good at this point! No need to stress! No need to let any negativity surround you!